Depression can be like standing in a burning building and not wanting to leave. Most people’s natural reaction would be to escape. But Kris Corona would sit there trapped, not having the energy or will to get out.

That’s how he describes his battle with mental health. Kris, a musician by nature, is diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety.

What depression and anxiety can feel like

Anxiety tells Kris that he’s not enough and never will be. It magnifies every flaw, every mistake, real or imagined, and turns them into insurmountable barriers. Some days, the anxiety wins, and he wakes up with an impending sense of doom about the world and himself.

“Anxiety isn’t just worrying about the weather; it’s this overwhelming feeling that you’re not enough and never will be. If I get a pimple on my forehead, I can’t leave the house because I feel like nobody will accept me for who I am. If I overeat or do something I didn’t like about myself that day, I feel like nobody else will like me either.”

Other days, depression takes over, and he can’t get out of bed. It’s a cruel cycle: Depression drains him of energy, and anxiety convinces him that he’s incapable of handling the life he already feels too exhausted to live.

“Depression isn’t just feeling sad; it’s feeling like you’re stuck in a place where nothing will ever be enough. It leaves you without energy, while anxiety convinces you that you can’t handle interaction. It’s a vicious cycle.” All his life Kris has searched for ways to cope with this cycle.

Kris’s journey

As a child, Kris didn’t always fit in and often felt something was wrong with him. That feeling started when he was made fun of endlessly for being out of shape compared to kids his age. He became withdrawn, too worried about saying or doing the wrong thing. He felt like an outcast, rarely wanting to meet or interact with people. And as he became more isolated from others, his mental health worsened.  

It wasn’t until he was 13 years old, when he had his first drink, that he began to change. A weight had lifted, at first. He stumbled across something that finally made him feel normal. He talked and interacted with people, something he rarely was able to do before. He floated from room to room easily. He danced at parties. He pursued his music and performed at shows with his band. He was living the life he would if anxiety and depression weren’t there. He found something to turn the volume down inside his head and so started his substance use.  

Over time, Kris traded alcohol for other substances: cocaine, meth, whatever helped him outrun his depression and anxiety.

“The highs were really high, and in that moment, the depression and anxiety felt muted, like they weren’t there. But when I sobered up, the lows were deep. Isolating. Terrifying.”

In April 2021, he woke up in a hospital after a 14-day bender, not remembering how he got there. In his bender, he hallucinated people who didn't exist. A conversation with a talk show host. A growing paranoia he was being surveilled. None of it real.

That psychosis became his breaking point. Soon after, a friend helped get him into recovery and he quickly realized that his mental health struggles stemmed from his past, and it was time to deal with them.

Mental health challenges and stigma

Kris grew up in a family where anxiety and depression weren’t acknowledged, and somewhere along the way he absorbed the belief that men don’t ask for help. “You dealt with your problems like a man—stuffed them way down or suffered in silence.”

Men are statistically less likely to seek help for mental health issues compared to women, leading to underdiagnosis and untreated conditions, according to the Anxiety & Depression Association of America. Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) indicates that in 2022, the suicide rate among males was approximately four times higher than that among females. While males constitute about 50% of the U.S. population, they accounted for nearly 80% of suicide.

On coping strategies

Recovery, however, taught Kris something different—asking for help is not only OK but needed. Therapy became the driving force of his journey.

He also built up routines that worked for him. He went to the gym every day and dedicated himself to creating and sustaining a supportive community.

In fact, community has been a large part of his mental health journey. Through his former work at Go the Distance, Kris built up a community of peers and found purpose in helping others who share similar struggles. Go the Distance is a nonprofit organization (and CareOregon partner) dedicated to supporting individuals in recovery through physical activity and peer connection.  

“We’re not therapists; we’re peers. But sometimes that’s what people need—someone who understands and can walk alongside them.”

Coping isn’t linear

One of the greatest challenges in coping with depression and anxiety is consistency. Oftentimes the battle with mental health means starting over when the structures in place begin to fail.

Without that regularity, everything in Kris’s life fell apart. Missing his routine would lead to days of isolation. He would overwork himself at the gym or turn to food for comfort. He would call off work, reset, and try to regain control, only for the cycle to repeat itself for nearly a year. It wasn’t until he noticed he had gained 15 pounds, stopped writing in the mornings and had gone three months without attending an AA meeting that reality hit him—here he was again.

"Even when something good happens, like getting a promotion, the joy is fleeting. I’ll feel good for a moment, but then my mind immediately goes to, 'How long is this going to last?’ That’s the thing—depression and anxiety feel like they’ll always be there. And what worked one day, might not work tomorrow. Coping is learning to deal with the days when it fails and keep trying anyway.”

It’s hard when coping tools fail, but Kris never stops trying. The day he found out he was going to be a dad, he decided to try antidepressants. He wanted to make sure he did everything he could to show up, be present, stable, and capable of giving his child everything he needed.

“I realized I needed to figure things out before my child was born. I don’t want to not be a good father.”

Today is a good day

When asked what advice he had for those struggling with their mental health, his answer was to keep trying, get outside, seek help and build community.

“The coolest thing that’s been working for me is, no matter what kind of mood I’m in, when I walk by somebody, I compliment them, and it pulls me out.”

Depression and anxiety work together to isolate. It feels like the world can end at any moment. It’s incredibly lonely and exhausting and marked with constant worry.  Despite these challenges, Kris holds on to hope. He acknowledges that coping will always be an evolving process but is determined to wake up and try every day—for himself and his future child. With his tools—routine, community, therapy, medication and the courage to ask for help—he feels ready to face the future. Now, Kris is continuing his education at Portland Community College and training for the Mountain Lakes 100 race.

“I feel hopeful. Today is a pretty good day. I have worries—what it’ll be like when the baby is here, what his name will be—but it’s not existential. It’s not overwhelming. But I also know I’m going to keep gathering tools for when it does feel like the end of the world, when it does feel like I’m standing in that burning building, because I know that day might come. But I haven’t given up hope, and that’s a good feeling.”

 

*CareOregon works hard to ensure our members and communities have access to high-quality mental health resources.

If you or someone you love is struggling with mental health, or in recovery, visit us online to learn more and find resources. If you’re an Oregon Health Plan (OHP) member, a variety of services are covered. Learn more on our Mental Health and Substance Use Treatment page.